For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you.
Confidence is something I've always struggled with. It's funny because if there is a situation where I'm caught off guard and have to be confident I will be and be fine with it. But if there is something that I need to be confident for in the future I will struggle with self doubt up until the moment arrives, during the moment and then tear myself apart afterwards, telling myself how I should have handled things differently.
Self doubt is super ugly, it is the enemy doing what he does best. It is a quick and easy way to isolation. Which is another thing I've dealt with for the past few years. But through diligent prayer God has seen my hearts desire and has slowly started opening doors for me. I put my trust and hope in Him; and by doing so I've caught myself many times saying that I would never have thought I would be where I am, doing what I'm doing, thinking what I'm thinking and surrounding myself with the people that I am. It has only been through God's grace, mercy and true love for me that I can say these things.
The only way that I have confidence is through Him, He is my strength. My confidence comes from the hope that I find in Him, through trying to have an eternal perspective. Not that it's always easy and I get side tracked alot but it is what I have to come back to, the truth.
The confidence I speak of isn't me telling myself I'm so awesome, look great or feel better than others. It is a confidence to face my fears, to live everyday with His new mercies, to know His love and kindness, to know that I do deserve these things and finally the biggest thing I'm learning is to show these to others without fear of rejection. I guess, the confidence to be vulnerable. Though it might be scary; to do it anyways, knowing that God is there, He has my back, He is my confidence.
O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you.